dancer in heaven

From a country bumpkin to a city girl.

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 02:50:29 GMT

My apologies for not updating.

The past few months have just gone by too quickly. It still seems too good to be true that now I am a graduate. A Bachelor of Law (LL.B) Hons holder. Finals came & went, graduation came & went...

...and so did my life.

Crazy. I am sitting here at half 2 in the morning in the new apartment reflecting back on those times. I sometimes wonder what is in store for me now in my life. To be honest, I am not glad to be back in a city. I wished I was back in the little town of Aberystwyth -- where I have the freedom to take walks by the prom (whatever time it is without worry about my safety), to be able to walk from one place to another (without needing to take the tubes), or even to have the town & kebab shops only a corner away from the house. The comfort of it. Now, I don't even see a kebab shop nearby!

I miss that. Furthermore, I wonder if I had made the right choice when I left Rachel's (although I was only a casual worker) to come to the big city - jobless. Maybe I was really crazy to have given up that job I had. Work at Rachel's had been really entertaining. The different people that you meet everyday (casual & permanent staffs) from all the different shifts & different things you do (depending on which department you're in). Maybe I should have listened to some of the people there & had just applied for a full-time position there. But then again, I did not get a law degree to end up working there. Who knows? Maybe John was right. He'll see me again. We'll see.

Job hunt at the moment has not been productive. Let's just say it has not progressed at all. Did send in 1-2 applications but heard nothing yet. Then again, I have been warned about getting a job here.

Mom gave me the choice to go back to M'sia; to live back home, to get me a car of my own & to start work at a basic graduate salary. Yet, I refuse that too-good-to-be-true offer just so I could remain in the UK.

What is it that I can't let go of this country?

Stratford is not a bad place but sometimes (everyday, to be exact), I wished I was back in ol' Aberystwyth, the little Welsh town where everything is in Welsh & English. I'm homesick, not of KL but of Aber. I do miss the people I use to see on a daily basis. Terribly. If only we have kept in touch.

I wish I had the answer; the answer to so many unanswered questions...

Last term - May Ball - Finals - Graduation.

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 19:42:59 GMT

Easter holidays came & went. 3 weeks of holidays now over. The last term is giving me mixed emotions - I can't believe it won't be long now before graduation, yet again I will be sad to leave Aber as my year here has been filled with great memories (and of course, sad to be leaving the people too!), and yet again, terrified of the coming exams. The final one. Help! Plus it doesn't help that I have got 6 papers to sit for.

Easter holiday was pleasant - though for most of it I was in Aber, but the town wasn't as dead as it was during Christmas. Though I got to spend a night with the Lyn & the other girls in Liverpool and also another night in the beautiful town of Chester (which I love much!). Acted like animals in the zoo. What can I say? We wanted to blend in with the animals in their habitats. *winks*

I'm still contemplating to go or not to go for MayBall. It sounds exciting, really. The line-up isn't a bad one either with Sugababes, Vengaboys, Bjorn Again (woo-hoo for ABBA songs!) and many more on the main stage. It will definitely be a night to remember with friends. What more, it's the last year of uni - possibly the last ball I'll ever get to go for...So what's the problem then? I suppose the fact that everyone's unsure if they're going or not. After all, friends makes the night even more memorable - not the performances!

It snowed on Sunday (also the besties birthday!!!). Unfortunately I fell fast asleep while waiting for it to snow & by the time I got up, most of it had melted. Boo-hoo. Didn't get to have snowball fights or even make a mini snowman - like how Lyn made one and sent me an MMS at 1am! It was a joy to have opened a multimedia message while half-awake only to be greeted with a picture of a snowman greening at you.

I'm glad people are back in Aber. It's so good to see familiar faces once again & am loving the fact that it is still bright at 7 in the evening! Much work to do, yet I'm still bumming around watching shows on iPlayer. I'm hooked. I wished I had a tv - to watch more series and well, footie! Remember the times when dad & I use to watch it & we used to drive mom, the lil' rascal & the maid crazy. :p

It was grandad's birthday 2 weeks ago - a night before Irene's wedding dinner. The little rascal sent me pictures of both nights & how I wished I had been there! Looking at the smile plastered on grandpa's face when the family threw him a surprise celebration at a restaurant & also Irene's wedding - it was simple, yet she looked as stunning as ever!

Happy 90th, grandpa! <3

Grandpa with his daughters. :)

Took this picture at the beach the other day when it was so sunny and warm. Reminded me of this: Footprints In The Sand One night I dreamed I was walking
Along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that
During the low periods of my life when I was
Suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
So I said to the Lord, "You promised me,
Lord, that if I followed You,
You would walk with me always.
But I noticed that during the most trying periods
Of my life there have only been
One set of prints in the sand.
Why, When I have needed You most,
You have not been there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have seen only one set of footprints
Is when I carried you."
Lots of love,
Me :)

Reunited for one night :)

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 10:01:31 GMT

Guess!!! guess where I am at the moment... :)

Blissful night at Alma De Cuba :D

Much to write about. Will update when I get back to Aber!

xoxo.

Wonderful friends :)

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 23:58:48 GMT

When you're feeling all emo & moody, it's great to have the people around you who just makes you smile no matter how bad you are feeling.

Thank you, you wonderful people! :)

A conversation on some inside topic between Carrie & I between classes today which I find amusing:

Carrie: ******* is just special
Me: Special?! *puzzled look*
Carrie: Oh, my special means stupid.
Me: ..........!!!!

I don't know why but I suddenly just feel like going back this Easter holidays. To get away from the weather & just to get away from everything.

I wish things were easier... xx

Dancing days

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 23:37:05 GMT

Some random updates on what I have been up to during my 6 months in Aber...

Browsing through some albums of events ROCK has held, I stumbled upon a picture of the 4 of us where we did a lyrical piece of 'Rachael Lampa's No Greater Love' for one of the events. It hit me how much I miss dancing.

The closest I have gotten to dancing since I came to Aber (minus dancing in the Pier or at the Bay, etc) was during the Mission Week's barn dance & also during Latin Quarter night (salsa!) at the Arts Centre.

Barn dance brought back memories of a long time ago where I was still taking classes at Serena Ballet School; where one of the many years of being a pupil there, I did not only a RAD examination but also the Imperial Society of Teachers of Dancing (ISTD) exams - where we did folk dances.

It was just so amazing. I had one of the best moments of my life during that night - being twirled around (till I was pretty dizzy), sweating & just dancing with the wonderful people. It was just pure fun.

To me, it was truly one magical night which I didn't want it to end.

Then there was the free salsa lesson during Latin Quarters night (before the start of the event) - so got to learn the basic salsa steps. It was fun, fun, fun! No wonder why I love dancing...

If only I could do it more often.

Of weddings & other random thoughts

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 23:59:26 GMT

Earlier today, I was chatting with Jo asking how her wedding plans were coming along. Got to hear a bit of the wedding plans & even saw pictures of her gorgeous wedding dresses! I can just imagine what a beautiful day (and night) it will be come the 5th of Dec. Then it hit me how lovely it would be to get married; spending your whole life with your other half. My own wedding will definitely be one of the best moments of my life.

I admire Jo & her beau for being together for ages. Possibly longer than anyone else I've ever known (besides Belle & Parin). I have never been able to be in a relationship half as long as they have been - maybe it is just all the wrong pick of guys. Or maybe I'm just jinx. Or maybe something is just wrong with me as it is always the guys who ends it. I'm always ever ready to commit.

Only a couple more days to go till Irene ties the knot in Penang & I'll be missing out on that. Then in 2 months, it'll be Seng Teong. Shame.

I can't wait till I plan my own wedding... =P

***

On the other hand, I did write a bit about the Malaysian Elections but never got around to post up that entry. Anyho, it seems like BN is slowly losing their supporters over the years & that DAP is gaining more & more support! This means a new Menteri Besar for my area too! Wonder how different it would be to live in a place where now the opposition rules...

Easter Cafe went well tonight. After the whole thing, a few of us decided to be smart alecs and take a walk by the promanade - where the waves were absolutely high & just splashing all over. Needless to say, we went to pier snooker absolutely soaked (well I was anyway) and it was so icky just having to sit & walk around in soaking wet jeans which just sticks to you. Been a while since I tasted the taste of salt water - probably the last time was when we were holiday-ing in Redang Island!

Easter holiday's coming up real soon. I wonder what will there be to do in Aber when everyone will be away..

May Ball's coming up. Wondering if it will be any good & if anyone I know will be going for it. I know I should go, after all it is my last year in Aberystwyth. But it all depends on the company...

Off to bed. Early start tomorrow. With 2 seminars and an essay to finish - hopefully by the afternoon. Then I can go watch a film in the evening.

Lots of love, Auds. xx

Currently being serenade by Richard Clayderman's piano piece entitled "Ballerina". Absolutely my all-time favourite.

Assumptions.

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 21:22:39 GMT

What annoys/amazes me is how people always assume things.

One in particular is when they see you together alone with a guy - they assume that that is your new boyfriend. I often wonder, why can't a guy & girl be alone and just be seen friends? So if I were to be seen with different guys every time, would that mean that all of them were my boyfriends? What's more interesting is one using the term 'new'. Heck, now I feel like a player.

What annoys me is that they talk amongst themselves about it. I mean, hey, if you want to know, why don't just come and ask me? But then again, I don't need to care about what people are talking about behind my back - because as long as I know the truth. But then again, sometimes it is easier said than done...

Cheers!

Reflections

Tue, 04 Mar 2008 23:41:59 GMT

Before you think any thing bad has happened to me (due to my absence), I'm very much still alive, thank you. It's a wonder blogdrive has not closed my INactive account - it has been months!

Blogging used to be a part of my everyday life routine, but somehow I don't know why it is so difficult to publish a post at least once a week these days. I start by typing entries but never completed them and now have a number of those unfinished posts saved as drafts.

Not too long ago, for about a week...it was all sunny and warm & the beach was filled with people taking advantage of the wonderful weather. I have to say, I was one of the crowd too. Unfortunately, it hasn't been near as nice as that week has been - am looking forward to spring and summer!

For the past (almost) 6 months of being away from home makes me feel like I'm on a long long holiday. Much has happened the past 6 months & it'd probably be a few pages post if I were to list down everything that has happened in my life. All I can say is, I look forward to coming back to the UK after spending the remaining of the summer holidays after graduation back home.

I'm much happier here albeit I do miss home. It's weird, I know. Most people I know wants to go back asap to settle down, but I can't imagine myself doing so.

We learn more and more as we grow older & I think my time abroad has definitely opened my eyes to many things. I can admit that I've matured much - especially spiritually. I suppose with me being happier has got to do with the fact that I stopped being who I am not. I used to care so much of what people thought of me and will even go to the extend of putting on a mask just to be accepted. I still do care what others think of me but I guess I've stopped hiding behind a mask.

The wonderful old & especially, the new friends made here. Treasuring each moment spent together, keeping all the memories close by... Sometimes I find that 1 year is too short of a time. Now I wished I had came here earlier - but then again, at that time, I never knew what laid ahead for me.

My university year is coming to an end. Then it'd be "Hello, working world!" Planning for the future is so stressful...to the point that once I start searching or planning for it, I give up and do other things instead. First, I was so set on doing my LPC right after my 3rd year - then there was the choice of where to do it and now, it's a 99.9% chance I'm going to defer doing my LPC. I will always be Miss Fickle-mind & that has (and will) not change. As of now, I don't know where I will be heading to, what I will be doing. All I do know is that I will be back in the UK. I want to. I have to.

Another thing that will always be me is being the stupid one when it comes to being attracted to someone. Doing foolish stuff like saying things I wished I had not said, & well, you get the picture (if you know me). It have been so confusing. One thing I have hated from the start - all the mixed signals a guy sends to you. I would rather someone was being straightforward! Or maybe it is because I get attracted too easily...but then, a clarification would be great, thank you!

I guess what also made me think about this is also because my cousins are all getting married this year - Irene's tying the knot in March, Seng Teong in May and my dearest Jo in December. Chuin made a joking *i hope!* statement on MSN the other day saying next was going to be me - but I highly doubt it. I think she forgot I'm missing out a very essential element to get married - a guy! lol.

It's just me thinking too much again. Bummer.

Till next time -- I will TRY to update more often now but don't hold me to my words.

Christmas is hereee! :D

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 09:04:18 GMT

The whole of last week in London was awesome. Although the place is a total opposite from Aber, I loved it there & am missing it already.

This Christmas is a quiet one over here. Not many people are back yet from their trips/holidays - so I'll just be going to church.

A year ago from today, was the day I took that step - that step forward. I can hardly believe how fast time has passed. Today marks the one year that I've been baptist. Exactly a year ago.

There's just no words to describe what amazing things He has done in my life. Makes me wish I was back home celebrating Christmas with the family & also with the KLBCians.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Let's not forget the true meaning of christmas...

Howdy!

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 18:27:35 GMT

"Today marks a profound and bittersweet milestone for all of us, as we bear witness to both an end and a beginning. And while we must continue on, we must also be grateful to have been blessed with someone who has so ably guided us to where we are today. When there has been so much love and happiness for someone, it is natural to be reluctant to close such a wonderful chapter in our lives, for moving forward is rarely accomplished without considerable grief and sadness. And while our sorrow may be profound, the clouds will clear, and the sun will shine on us again. And in that warm, bright light we will find ourselves facing a glorious future. A future of exciting challenges and infinite possibilities, in which the horizon will stretch out before us, trimmed in the heavenly glow of the sunrise of our tomorrow."

Wonderful quote. Much has happened in the past days. Will update in a bit!